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PATRIOTSThe down-at-the-heels neighborhood tavern is empty tonight except for CHARLEY, the bartender, and ALICE, a local independent businesswoman. Their apparently idle conversation meanders from ALICE’S son, a soldier in the middle east, to CHARLEY’S daughter, an Army helicopter pilot, to "quantums," uncertainty, national security, and God, when two strangers show up for a meeting. They seem to be terrorists—a Muslim and a Christian, forging an alliance, each, in his own mind, a patriot. Overhearing the terrorist plans, CHARLEY and ALICE decide to take matters into their own hands—it's the American way, after all. But are they terrorists, after all? Or undercover agents from homeland security? Who can you believe? What's a patriot to do? Does the passion for security lead only to insecurity? Does quantum physics explain anything? And what are those soldiers doing outside CHARLEY’S tavern? Single set. 3m, 1f, 30 minutes. An excerpt ALICE Every atom is nothing more than a tiny Las Vegas. And inside every atom there are these quarks, and some are charming and some go up and some go down and some are red and some are green—like little slot machines— CHARLEY I went to Las Vegas once. Lost my shirt. ALICE It's the same with the universe, Charley. The house always wins. CHARLEY Don't I know it. ALICE If you put a cat in a box— CHARLEY I'm allergic to cats. ALICE —and lock him in there— CHARLEY You'll still have cat dander in the air. ALICE —and have some poison gas that might or might not be released into the box— CHARLEY There. That's your weather prediction, right there. Maybe it'll rain, maybe it won 't. ALICE —the cat is neither dead nor alive until you open the box and look. (CHARLEY just stares at her.) It was on TV. (CHARLEY stares at her.) These were very smart scientists talking. (CHARLEY ignores her—polishes a glass, wipes the bar.) If nobody looks, nothing happens. (AL enters, looks around, as if for somebody.) CHARLEY Some days it'll be raining, and I'll be in here all day, and I won't see it raining. But it's raining all the same. (To AL.) Have a seat. We got a special tonight—buy one drink, get the second for the same price. What'll it be, pal? AL Tomato juice. (FRANK enters, looks around.) AL Frank? FRANK Al? AL I thought you'd never come. (FRANK sits.) CHARLEY I'd better hire extra help. What's your poison, friend? FRANK Beer. Whatever's on tap. (To AL.) You didn't seem that eager to have this little get-together. AL Why did you choose a bar? FRANK Neutral ground. AL For you. FRANK I thought you'd have one of those checkerboard towels wrapped around your head, long bushy beard, wild eyes. AL I thought your head would be shaved and you'd have a swastika tattooed on top. |
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